Friday, May 1, 2009

"Tattaglia is a pimp. It was Barzini all along"

Hungry for all things Chicago Bears, I am forced to listen to sports radio every day. Most shows have a lead host who sets the agenda. These guys are the Barzinis. They provide direction and insight. They carry the show.

The Barzinis are usually paired with a terrible partner. These sidekicks are dead weight and could never carry a show on their own. They are whom Don Vito would call the pimps - the Tattaglia's.

Waddle & Silvy: AM 1000 9am-1pm

Two Tattaglias in one show. Tom Waddle mocks the jock persona while not realizing that he is one. Marc Silverman says "thot" instead of "that".
When they are joined by ABC's Mark Giangreco, it's a smarmfest.

The Hamp & Holmes Show: AM 670 10am-12pm

Two more Tattaglias.
Dan Hampton, "So uh, uh, and..and again...did you catch the uh..salient point... in that..uh.."
Lawrence Holmes, "You know it, Big Man!"

The Mike Murphy Show: AM 670 12pm-2pm

A few shows are just one pimp flailing about for a few hours a day. Mike Murphy refers to his show as "Murphapalooza". His voice sounds like he just had his tonsils out. His role on radio is to pick fights with over-65 Cub fans.

Boers and Bernstein: AM 670 2pm-6pm

A classic Tattaglia/Barzini. Te
rry Boers' (on the left) role is to shout, guffaw and wheeze heinously. Dan Bernstein can hardly get the words out as he cracks himself up.
Dan Bernstein has made me laugh once. After Mike Singletary's post-game podium meltdowns...
Dan Bernstein,
"Singletary is a disaster! He's losing everything! He's losing the game! He's losing the post-game!"

Mully and Hanley: AM 670 5am-10am

The ultimate Tattaglia/Barzini. Mike Mulligan (on the left) is a great Chicago sportswriter and broadcaster. Brian Hanley is the chime-in guy.
Mully "Derrick Rose is separating himself, skill-wise, from the rest of the team"
Hanley "No one's coming close"
Brian Hanley's favorite phrase is "Thaaaats right"

Hanley acts hostile to guys beneath him like Bears beat reporter Zach Zaidman. Though Zaidman has a massive radio announcer affectation, he's a free-agent who could be elevated by a good partner.

Free Agent #1 Hub Arkush, like Steve Stone and the Cubs, was part of the Bears organization, then shunned by it.
He likes to mention his own injuries when talking about NFL injuries. uses quotes when describing him as "Senior Football Analyst". I've softened on Hub over the years because I like his Bears shows.
He and Zaidman could transcend the Tattaglia/Barzini

Carmen, Jurko & Harry: AM1000 2pm-7pm

“In politics, the tripod is the most unstable of all structures.”

(left.Harry Teinowitz; center.Carmen Defalco ; right. John Jurkovic)

Formerly the Mac, Jurko and Harry show until former lead host Dan McNeil was fired. Dan McNeil is a fat tongued curmudgeon. He hated Harry and directed all conversation to his idol Jurko. A Tattaglia in Barzini clothing, his firing upset the balance of the show for a while.

As Jurko said a few months ago, "Jesus you're hard to work with now Harry."

Dan McNeil's departure created a power vacuum. Harry began asserting himself by attacking Jurko. As it turns out, Teinowitz, the nerdy Jewish kid from the suburbs who loves the Bulls and the Cubs, is better in small doses.

Carmen, whom Jurko calls"Carmine", though technically taking McNeil's lead chair, was the new guy and the young guy, so he was eager to not rock the boat.

Carmen may set the agenda, but Jurko calls the shots. He quelled the Harry rebellion, subtly seized power and thus revealed himself to be the Kwisatz Haderach.

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