"Tattaglia is a pimp. It was Barzini all along"

Hungry for all things Chicago Bears, I am forced to listen to sports radio every day. Most shows have a lead host who sets the agenda. These guys are the Barzinis. They provide direction and insight. They carry the show.











The Barzinis are usually paired with a terrible partner. These sidekicks are dead weight and could never carry a show on their own. They are whom Don Vito would call the pimps - the Tattaglia's.

Waddle & Silvy: AM 1000 9am-1pm

Two Tattaglias in one show. Tom Waddle mocks the jock persona while not realizing that he is one. Marc Silverman says "thot" instead of "that".
When they are joined by ABC's Mark Giangreco, it's a smarmfest.

The Hamp & Holmes Show: AM 670 10am-12pm

Two more Tattaglias.
Dan Hampton, "So uh, uh, and..and again...did you catch the uh..salient point... in that..uh.."
Lawrence Holmes, "You know it, Big Man!"






The Mike Murphy Show: AM 670 12pm-2pm

A few shows are just one pimp flailing about for a few hours a day. Mike Murphy refers to his show as "Murphapalooza". His voice sounds like he just had his tonsils out. His role on radio is to pick fights with over-65 Cub fans.






Boers and Bernstein: AM 670 2pm-6pm

A classic Tattaglia/Barzini. Terry Boers' (on the left) role is to shout, guffaw and wheeze heinously. Dan Bernstein can hardly get the words out as he cracks himself up.
Dan Bernstein has made me laugh once. After Mike Singletary's post-game podium meltdowns...
Dan Bernstein, "Singletary is a disaster! He's losing everything! He's losing the game! He's losing the post-game!"





Mully and Hanley: AM 670 5am-10am

The ultimate Tattaglia/Barzini. Mike Mulligan (on the left) is a great Chicago sportswriter and broadcaster. Brian Hanley is the chime-in guy.
Mully "Derrick Rose is separating himself, skill-wise, from the rest of the team"
Hanley "No one's coming close"
Brian Hanley's favorite phrase is "Thaaaats right"

Hanley acts hostile to guys beneath him like Bears beat reporter Zach Zaidman. Though Zaidman has a massive radio announcer affectation, he's a free-agent who could be elevated by a good partner.






Free Agent #1 Hub Arkush, like Steve Stone and the Cubs, was part of the Bears organization, then shunned by it.
He likes to mention his own injuries when talking about NFL injuries. 670.com uses quotes when describing him as "Senior Football Analyst". I've softened on Hub over the years because I like his Bears shows.
He and Zaidman could transcend the Tattaglia/Barzini



Carmen, Jurko & Harry: AM1000 2pm-7pm

“In politics, the tripod is the most unstable of all structures.”
Dune



(left.Harry Teinowitz; center.Carmen Defalco ; right. John Jurkovic)

Formerly the Mac, Jurko and Harry show until former lead host Dan McNeil was fired. Dan McNeil is a fat tongued curmudgeon. He hated Harry and directed all conversation to his idol Jurko. A Tattaglia in Barzini clothing, his firing upset the balance of the show for a while.







As Jurko said a few months ago, "Jesus you're hard to work with now Harry."


Dan McNeil's departure created a power vacuum. Harry began asserting himself by attacking Jurko. As it turns out, Teinowitz, the nerdy Jewish kid from the suburbs who loves the Bulls and the Cubs, is better in small doses.






Carmen, whom Jurko calls"Carmine", though technically taking McNeil's lead chair, was the new guy and the young guy, so he was eager to not rock the boat.











Carmen may set the agenda, but Jurko calls the shots. He quelled the Harry rebellion, subtly seized power and thus revealed himself to be the Kwisatz Haderach.

Bears 20 - Packers 17

A. Brown!







Hub Arkush, former lackey of Dick Jauron and one of the most influential Bears analysts in town, seems to be on a campaign to run Brian Urlacher out of town. Hub says that Brian has no joy in playing anymore and would be better off going to a new city.
I don't see that. I see a guy jumping and smiling and celebrating after every big defensive stop.
Hopefully, Brian will have a resurgence similar to Ray Lewis', and I hope he stays in Chicago.







Danieal Manning and Devin Hester should be on the field together for all punt and kick returns. With Manning's emergence, if kickers start to avoid him, they'd be forced to kick to Hester. And look here, Kellen Davis is involved in a play, and doesn't draw a flag.








Robbie and Brad love each other.

Bears 27 - Saints 24

Reports from Halas Hall continue to claim that Devin Hester is progressing as a receiver. As far as I can tell, this is the Bears best WR.
His name is P.I. and he is Orton's most consistent downfield threat.









As I sit and wait to see if the Falcons can keep the Bears in the playoff picture by beating the Vikings, I can really only think of one thing. This picture was posted on the Bears message board by ole69.
I have no words.
Go Bears, I mean Falcons.

Bears 23 - Jaguars 10

The Bears are really good at beating bad teams.

If you told me at the beginning of the season that Vasher and Tillman would be starting for most of the season, Mike Brown would stay healthy, A. Brown would be back as a starter and Lance Briggs would be signed long term, I would have thought we'd once again have a dominant defense.







Most of the players are the same from the Superbowl run. Who's missing? Ron Rivera at Defensive Coordinator.














And, of course, Chris "Warf" Harris.










Robbie Gould and Brad Maynard are the same type of player. They're almost like super heroes.


Maynard is at the bottom of the league's average for distance, but he leads the league in pinning teams inside the 20, which is the best possible thing a punter can do on the field.
Accuracy at short distances pretty much describes Robbie as well.

It's hard to tell if the Bears are even a good team this year. They've shown flashes of goodness, but continue to come up short in "most important games of the season".

Tonight is yet another "must win" against the Saints.

Vikings 34 - Bears 14

Lovie is still carrying on about the “6 game season”. We are now 2 games into the 6 game season – or 4 halves into a 12 game half season or a 3rd through our six game season...






Lovie, you've turned a few hundred special teams yards per game and excellent field position into the occasional 66 yard TD run. You made Hester's brain explode.








Horse Collar!







Let's compare Kyle's numbers to Rex's '06 numbers after 12 games - or half way through the 6 game season or whatever Lovie is calling it. No, let's not. Kyle is sucking. He made it as far through a season as Rex ever did before sucking.











A.P. and Rasheed and Hester had how many drops?









Good news is the Bears have stopped the goal line Jason Mckie FB dive. Bad news is Ron Ron is still trying it with recently signed off the practice squad Jason whatever his name is.









Holy flop Gus Frerotte. I can’t stand to watch a single game of my beloved soccer because of all the flopping. 20 times a game you’d think someone cracked a fibula. And now I must suffer through this in football?! Douche.





It doesn’t matter now if the Bears make it into the playoffs. It won’t be because they’re good, just that the Vikings ended up sucking worse. In the 2nd “most important game of the season” the Bears once again were crushed by a division foe.

A look at our 6 wins so far:

· A hobbled Peyton Manning’s Colts
· A Brian Westbrook-less Eagles
· 2 wins against the NFL-worst Lions
· Bottom feeder Rams

The only quality win the Bears had was against the Vikings, who more than answered the challenge in the rematch.

Angelo's Drafts Part II

We are going to look once more at Jerry Angelo's draft picks, this time at the 3rd pick in each draft since '01:

OG Mike Gandy - He played a while, don't know if he was good. Do these guys have to fight over #69?









OG Terrance Metcalf - Same with him. I think he was ok. I want a friend like Jurko who can tell me if offensive linemen are good.








LB Lance Briggs - Picked #68, Great Pick.






WR Bernard Berrian - At his best maybe a B+ for a while.










QB Kyle Orton - Still unproven. Half a season is as far as Rex usually made it too. Don't tell me about ten games as a rookie. Did you see those games?












DT Dusty Dvoracek - Too soon to say, maybe he's good?









RB Garrett Wolfe - Always will be thought of as a reach at #93, arguably a bust.












WR Earl Bennett - Hasn't made it on to the field yet.











Does Angelo deserve his reputation for late round steals? I think it was the Hester pick that gave Angelo that rep, but I don't see a lot of brilliance.

Jurko Is The Artie Lang of Sports Radio

More on this next week.