Preseason Game 2

It’s Official. We’re Fucked. Orton has been named the starter. He must be incredible in practice because he didn’t light it up in this game. All he proved is that Brandon Lloyd has the ability to catch poorly thrown balls. Has Orton completed a pass over 15 yards?
Lovie, I’m losing faith. Granted, you got criticized in the past for handing the starting job to Rex in the preseason, and then you get criticized for having a QB competition this year. But don’t tell us this is a real competition and then give the ball to Kyle after that performance.
Have you ever seen Lovie speak into that headset? Is it plugged in? He looks like a boy lost at the mall. “Are you lost? What’s your name?" Lovie should have suspended Lance Briggs for a game last year for lying to the police after crashing his Lamborghini. Isn’t that what zero tolerance means? At the beginning of this year’s WR hunt, Lovie stated that he’s comfortable with Mark Bradley as his number 1 receiver. I want to take you seriously. I don’t know if you’re a good coach or not. I know the players love you, but what are we to think when you say things like that?


As has been widely reported, Rex had little time to throw the ball. When he did, he looked sharp and I’d almost say confident. In his first throw of the game, the blitz came, he stepped into the pocket and I swear I saw him take a breath, relax his shoulders, and then fire the ball to Olsen for a first down. Then he got mauled for the rest of his series.



Matt Forte looks tough, like he can get the yards on 3rd and short. And he can catch the ball. I think he’s going to be a bright spot on offense.


Bad luck befell 2 players I highlighted last week.
Des Clark, as of tonight, is reported to be out a game with a right knee injury sustained at the end of a seven-yard reception.
Robbie Gould missed a would be game winning 47 yard field goal with 25 seconds left in the game. Robbie, you are the highest paid kicker in the NFL, the highest paid kicker of all time. Yes. I don’t know how that happened either. You are not allowed to miss anything under 50 yards.


Backup DT Israel Idonije had a good game with a sack, a tackle for a loss of yards, and he batted down a pass. Idonije always creeped me out until I realized that he looks like Junior from the Tom Selleck movie An Innocent Man. Junior gets killed by Jimmie Rainwood. Jimmie gets sent to the whole for 90 days. This is Jimmie on his way back to his cell from the hole. It was hard time. You can tell by the sweat and the tousled hair. But how does he still have a moustache? How did he shave? Shouldn’t he have a beard after 90 days?


Many people are saying that Devin Hester, who just signed a 40 million dollar contract, makes too much to just play special teams. Consider, though, that teams have kicked out of bounds on kickoffs and spotted the Bears 40 yards, rather than kick to him. I think the Bears had the best starting position in the NFL. Punters routinely short leg punts to avoid him. These are yards that Hester gives the Bears without even touching the ball. It must be a ton of yards, and if you added them up, they’re probably more than he could hope to gain as a WR.

Preseason Game 1

It's not that I love Rex Grossman, I just hate the idea of Kyle Orton starting. When Rex is good, he's great. He made it look easy during the first half of '06. Kyle has never had a great game. He won ten games his rookie year, but those were cringe inducing wins. He would manage to not suck so bad that the defense couldn't win the game. He was good for one touchdown every game or so. I think he "won" a game after throwing for 68 yards. He had a chance last season and it didn't look much better. I'm not saying that this woman is a whore. I don't know her, she may be Kyle's wife, but if she were a whore, is this the quality of whore you want your starting quarterback making sex to? These pictures have been around for a few years, but this is still what i think of when I picture Orton.

This is the caliber of whore I want to see my starting quarterback with.

Until Kyle does anything to prove he's a better option, I'm a Rex guy, and I hope he starts, stays healthy and looks for D. Clark. Desmond Clark was a secret weapon in '06. He stays healthy, averages 12 yards a carry , and doesn't lose the ball. Until Olsen steps up, D. Clark is still the man at tight end.

Erik Kramer did a great job during game one. He was funny and self-deprecating. The best part was when Chicago got a penalty for running out of bounds on a kickoff. Kramer noted that a player can be pushed out but has to make an effort to get back in bounds. When the replay showed Daniael Manning running down the sideline out of bounds making no effort to get back in, Kramer started laughing at him. I like having a homer in the booth for Bears games.

Anyone would be better than Moose, Goose and Douche. Why are we stuck with these guys?

Kramer made a few mistakes, like referring to Caleb Hanie as Chad Henne. This was pointed out by the two douches Boers and Bernstein on the Score. What they didn't say is that Kramer corrected himself immediately and laughed about it.

Here's a typical Boers and Bernstein exchange.

Bernstein "Are you watching the Bears game tonight?"

Boers "No."

Bernstein"Do you care about the Olympics?"

Boers "No. And you shouldn't. Nobody should."

I'm glad you douches are on sports radio.

Speaking of douches, Lou Canellis is the preseason sideline reporter. He didn't do a bad job. The problem is that I happened to catch a show called 190North, a weekly show on ABC that explores interesting places in Chicago. It's like Wild Chicago but not as cool. Lou did a piece on a Turkish bath on Division street. He did the whole segment wrapped in a towel, and if you watch it, you get the sense that he invented this piece solely as way to appear half naked on T.V. You look great without a shirt Lou, for a guy in his 40's or 50's or 60's or however old you are. But how are we supposed to take you seriously with this image stuck in our heads?

A criticism I've always had of Robbie Gould has been the lengths of his kickoffs. The Bears are smart in that they usually never make him attempt a field goal over 50 yards. This helps keep his accuracy very high. The problem is that his kickoffs only get to the 15 to 10 yard line. Last year when Adrian Peterson of the Vikings ran a kick off back for a touchdown, he was spotted 15 yards by Gould's short kick off. In the first preseason game, however, Gould kicked consistently to the end zone. Way to go Robbie. And your name is Gold. You are Jewish. Don't deny it.